Elaine's Diary, aka Extracurricular Tomfoolery

monday, september 12

6:40am

                At last, I feel fit as a fiddle! I am on the mend! I have been saying that I’m on the mend for a long time, but now I really mean it. Since my healthy body can do anything, I think I’ll go for a run!

10:45am

environmental science

                Remember way back when I said I would go for a run? I lied about that. I actually went to sleep and was very nearly late for marching band rehearsal. Luckily I am a drum major and I do what I want.

10:48am

                This is super cute, I’m in Environmental Science and we’re watching Planet Earth. Aww, it’s a big herd of gazelles. Look at all the babies! Look at the baby gazelles!

10:49am

                Aw they’re all running, this is adorable. Look at them run through that stream.

10:51am

                OH DEAR LORD A WOLF JUST ATE A BABY GAZELLE.

two seconds later

                IT CAME OUT OF NOWHERE AND CHASED THE BABY GAZELLE AROUND AND THEN BIT ITS NECK.

two seconds later

                Oh, no. Here come more wolves. Please, Baby Jesus. Don’t let this happen.

10:55am

                I hate my life.

2:17pm

                Well, now that I’ve seen all the dead baby animals that I can handle, let’s talk about something else.

                So… on Saturday I went to Chick-fil-A, where I used to work, and I turned into a man-eating siren. It wasn’t on purpose, I just started talking to the new cashier guy and he got so flustered that he forgot to put a lid on my lemonade. That’s when I realized I had worked some charming siren powers over him. Unfortunately, he did not give me free food or anything of the sort. Well, at least I know that my short hair is not completely unattractive.

two minutes later

                Although to be fair, he could have been flustered because sometimes I just sort of let my mouth take over and it says things that shouldn’t have left my brain in the first place.

later

                Now that I think about it, I did start listing all the things in my purse as I searched for change. Maybe that made him uncomfortable.

later

                And guess what else happened that day? I’ll tell you what happened. An old, friendly grandmother type cut me off in line at Walmart! There I was, placing my items on the conveyor belt, when she came through the line the wrong way—from around by the bagging area, I mean. And she saw me and said, “Oh, sorry, honey, didn’t mean to cut you off there!” In a jolly grandmother voice.

                Then guess what she did?

                I’ll tell you what she did. She gave her things to the cashier to check out.

                While I stood with my items on the conveyor belt.

Later

                I think my personal favorite part was when Grandma Rude refused to pay. But she did it with a very caring, polite manner. I drew a picture to illustrate.

9:03pm

                Just got home from practice with our church’s youth band. I am quite the Extracurricular Queen. Anyway, it’s time to do my Spanish homework. We’ve been assigned to spend two hours listening to someone speak el espanol, so I am going to pop in Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone and set the language to Spanish.

9:40pm

                Spanish Hermione is so sassy. All she does is sass at Ron and Harry. The voice actor must have missed the part where Hermione is the nerdy-yet-likeable lead female, because all her lines are like “You’ve got dirt on your nose” and “Your wand is horrid” and “That’s not a troll, that’s our professor.” Except in Spanish, obviously. Sassy Hermione is adding a whole new dimension to this movie. I hope there’s a twist in the Spanish plot and she gets killed by the three-headed dog.

10:25pm

                Okay, I can’t watch this anymore. Nobody’s killed Sassy Hermione yet.

10:26pm

                Remember that time when the wolves killed the baby gazelle? I think I was emotionally attached to that gazelle, I haven’t been quite the same since.