Elaine's Diary, aka Rudolph and Friends

tuesday, september 6

9:07pm

                I’ve been sick all day; I think I’ve had about six Advil so far, and there will be more to come. Anyway, until about a minute ago, I was laying face down on my bed, feeling thoroughly feverish, and looking forward to resting up like any sensible infirm. No such luck.

                “Why?” you might be asking. “Why no such luck, Elaine?”

                Well I will tell you why, and it has to do with the fact that I am Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer disguised in girl’s clothing.

                I have to take a break, this is too embarrassing to write down all at once.

9:25pm

                So.  Sometimes when I’m sleeping… and I’m stressed out… I pick at my red spots! Yes, that’s right, in my sleep! My subconscious doesn’t want me to have good skin!

                That is how in the space of two days I have gone from spot-free to letting Rudolph and Friends throw a house party atop my pores.

9:30pm

                So my brilliant mother has come up with a solution to prevent me from picking at my skin.

9:31pm

                It’s called “Oobies”.

9:34pm

                I know what you are asking now. “What is an Oobie?” Well, I am sorry, I cannot tell you. It is simply too humiliating.

two seconds later

                An Oobie is a sock puppet that goes around your hand and then is secured with a ponyholder.

two seconds later

                So I have two Oobies. One for each hand.

10:17pm

                This is really embarrassing. I hope the paparazzi don’t catch me getting into bed with my Oobies (ooh, that sounds a bit dirty).

10:20pm

                Don’t tell anyone. I don’t know if my poor, feverish psyche could handle the humiliation. Good night, readers. Good night, moon.

10:21pm

                Good night, Oobies.

Oobies are somewhat intelligent. This Oobie caught a fish.