Elaine's Diary, aka Body Icing

tuesday, october 4

10:15am

              Got myself a coffee before school. I thought maybe it would pull me out of the Pre-Homecoming Blues, but instead I just have to pee.

10:45am

EnviSci

              Back in Environmental Science. We’re supposed to be taking a test, but our teacher is sitting at a student desk, making paper airplanes, so we're all chatting a bit. This one kid is sleeping on top of a lab table. As in literally sprawled on it.

                I myself am busy texting Marc.

10:50am

                Aw, he says there’s a dance coming up at his college, too! I bet he knows how I feel because he is also all aloney!

10:51am

                …He says he’s been asked to the dance. By A GIRL. I hate my life.

two seconds later

                I know he’s not actually going with her (or should I say “with hers”? Has more than one girl asked?). But still. I think I might cry.

10:55am

                I bet I know how she did it too. She took her shirt off and “Homecoming?” was written across her bosom in body icing. Edible body icing.

and these were her shoes.

11:00am

                I feel like the dustball that is my heart has just been sucked up by the Vacuum Cleaner of Luuurve and Body Icing. That girl is a cheap floozy, I’d bet my life on it. Doesn’t she know that Marc has a girlfriend? I wonder if he told her that. Maybe he just said “Sorry, I wanna ride stag”. Maybe she still thinks he is jumping the bull market. Up for the taking. Grabbed like a crab.

                Hello! Why doesn’t she know that I am a real girlfriend! Just because I am far away and have a bit of a bowl cut doesn’t mean I don’t exist.

later

government

                I’m feeling a little heartbroken so I’m going to act out in class. It’ll be easy because I’m in Government, and all I have to do is make fun of liberals to get attention.

1:26pm

                I don’t actually have anything against liberals, I think they’re nice. But the Republicans in my class don’t care when you make fun of their beliefs.

1:45pm

                HA our student teacher just asked us to describe a ‘Starbucks Democrat’. I raised my hand and said “they wear scarves and talk about atheism!” Ms. Student Teacher couldn’t keep herself from laughing. The Starbucks Democrats in our class were offended, though. I don’t know why, because they really do wear scarves and talk about atheism all the time. That and pansexuality, pansexuality is a big thing right now, too.

1:47pm

                The Starbucks Democrats are whispering to each other and scribbling notes furiously. One girl has actually drawn an angry black raincloud on her paper. Gosh, they are sensitive. I feel a lot better now, though. Thanks, StarDems.

1:50pm

                Now we’re watching a clip of Sarah Palin and the StarDems are laughing extra-loud. I think they’re trying to make a statement or something.

                Little do they know that I think Sarah Palin is cute. I wish I could be more like her.

much later

after school

                I told my mother about the Body Icing fiasco. She says not to worry, that the girl probably didn’t take her shirt off, because if she did there’s no way Marc would have told her ‘no’.  So that’s a bit of a relief.

10:25pm

                Marc also always tells me that I’m special, and when I am feeling left out he tells me not to be sad because I am funny. So I know he’s not about to Turkey Drop me for some body icing girl in stripper heels.
               I guess it’s not his fault that he is a floozy magnet, he was just born that way. And I can’t very well hold that against him, can I?