Alone in the World

friday, october 14

homecoming football day

6:35am

                Beautiful morning. Clouds clouding, rain raining, Marc coming home in fifteen days (he’s been gone for sixty-seven days. Not that I’m obsessively keeping track. I just happen to know these things). AND I’M GOING TO HOMECOMING!

7:00am

                Our nice fuzzy dog Jazz is drinking from his water bowl. He has a peculiar way of doing it, he uses his jaw to scoop up the water and then he drinks until he pukes. I’m not sure why he does it, but I’ve never seen him take just a few sips like a normal dog.

                My sister says Jazz learned the puking technique from a pit bull at the dog park.

7:15am

                What if poor Jazzy has self-esteem issues? What if he’s got a doggy eating disorder because he wants to look pretty?

7:17am

                Somebody should tell Jazz that looks aren’t everything. Take Decent Will, for example. He turned into Two-Face thanks to his bike accident, and yet he still got a date to Homecoming! And that date is none other than the wonderful, feisty old me! So there is hope for everybody.

later

4:56pm

                Remember that time when I thought I was wonderful and feisty? I take it all back. Today we had a Pep Rally to get everyone excited about the football game, and I was chosen to represent the Senior class during one of the Pep Rally Games! “Which game, Elaine?” you may be asking yourself. Well, actually, you are asking me in that case. I will give you hints even though you are a little confused and not so bright for a diary-peeker:

Hint One: There were four games total.

Hint Two: It wasn’t the game where you had to pull tissues out of the tissue box.

Hint Three: It wasn’t the game where you had to keep three balloons up in the air.

Hint Four: It wasn’t the game where you had to hike a football through a hula hoop.

Have you figured it out yet??? Okay, I’ll tell you.

It was the game where you had to tie a yo-yo to your butt and knock over empty cans with it.

two seconds later

                It was so embarrassing. I had to swing my butt around in front of the entire senior class so that I could control where the yo-yo went. I ended up just cheating and sneakily knocking over the cans with my foot because I don’t have too good control over my gluteus maximus.

5:15pm

                I lost to the sophomore class representative anyway, though. That kid knew how to wiggle.

saturday, october 15

homecoming dance day

4:00pm

                Oh boy. Time to get ready for the Homecoming dance. Decent Will is going to pick me up at seven, so I only have three hours to get ready. I will probably go simple, you know. Red dress, Egyptian necklace, ten-inch heels, five thousand tons of makeup products, an entire bottle of hairspray. Just your basic formal date ensemble.

4:05pm

                But first, I’m going to videochat with Marc!

4:15pm

                Well that was a disaster. Marc ended up getting mad at me for something small like going to Homecoming with another man, so he said “Hey screw you” and logged off. Long-distance can be hard, I’m telling you. I’m feeling quite subdued.

 I’m going to put on my makeup while listening to music from Shrek and feeling like the protagonista in a chick flick.

4:17pm

                IT IS YOU I HAVE LOVED, ALL ALOOOOONG!

                Sniff sniff.

on a more positive note, here's a picture of me whisking cake batter out of my hair. i would tell you why but there is honestly no good reason for it.