Homecoming Hijinks

tuesday, october 18

12:45pm

                Sitting in the waiting room at the hospital, shooting the breeze before my ultrasound. I am not pregnant but I have ovary complications so the doctors need to poke around my pelvic region for a bit. It’s all in good fun, mostly, except for the fact that I am sitting in the ultrasound ward with the pregnant ladies.

               They think I’m a teen mom.

12:47pm

                But it's not all fun and games here in the pregnancy wing. I also have to drink a liter of water within the next fifteen minutes, cause the ultrasound only works when you have a full bladder. A liter, in case you are European or dyslexic and you don’t know measurements, IS A LOT OF WATER.

                I think I am going to be sick.

12:50pm

                My mom is telling me to stop whining so much because, quoth the raven, “It’s just water”. Easy for her to say, she’s never had the Pee Parade marching around in her bladder.

12:51pm

                Texted Marc about the teen mom thing. His response: “You’re pregnant? If it’s another gay one, I’m leaving you.”

                Ha. Hahahahahahaha.

12:52pm

                But you didn’t peek at my diary to read ultrasound jokery, now did you? You want to know what happened at Homecoming!

                Well, it was overall a high-quality time. Decent Will picked me up and we did pictures and he didn’t look like Two-Face, aside from a pink scar on his one cheek. Then we went out to dinner, which was nice, although I have forgotten how to act around boys. Ever since Marc left, I have been somewhat isolated from the Y chromosome. Luckily, Decent Will was very decent about it. He hardly got offended at all when I accidentally made fun of his concussion.

five minutes later

                We only stayed at the actual Homecoming dance for ten minutes because it was très pathétique, as they say in Franceland. You know what I mean, every girl trying too hard to look pretty, but really only looking like they’re trying too hard. Lots of super-short, super-tight dresses, really not flattering at all because they show every spare ounce of lipid. It was dead depressing.

                Me and Decent Will ended up at his house, making apple cider and watching three episodes of Modern Family.

later

                Anyway, the whole thing was fun but also a tad choleric because I missed Marc. When I came home, my mama asked me how my night was, and I burst into tears! My mother was quite perplexed. “What’s wrong? Did you and Will have a fight?”

                “No,” I said. “I just miss Marc a lot.” My eyes were flowing like the Hoover Dam, it was straight embarrassing.

                On a less Waterloo note, Marc comes home in a mere ten days! I can fit all of those days on one hand, I don’t even have to fake it anymore!

1:35pm

                Two hands. I meant two hands.

                Oooh, ultrasound time, finally! Thank Krishna, I was about to pee myself like an elephant in July.

half hour later

                That was fun, the gel was really warm. I appreciated that because it is a little frosty outside and I am wearing my Emilia Earhart outfit, which consists of a green army-type jacket, a red scarf, and a little skirt. I feel like a pilot with this ensemble on, but sadly it does not protect me against the elements.

                Anyway, that gel warmed me right up. Too my gallbladder was holding a liter of water. We could see it on the screen; it kept getting bigger, even the doctor commented on it. Talk about embarrassing.

3:24pm

                Relaxing at home for a few minutes, then I’ll have to go back to school for band practice. I stopped at Goodwill on my way home, and guess what I bought! I’ll tell you what I bought! I got a really ugly Christmas sweater.

3:39pm

                I love ugly Christmas sweaters, they’ve been my secret passion for a while now. Goodwill is full of them, so I’ll definitely be going back and buying more. My goal is to make them a trend at school, and since I’m a really smooth operator it’ll probably work.

it'll totally catch on.

later

7:55pm

                Went downstairs with my Christmas sweater on, and my ever-supportive family freaked out. Not because I looked so cute, but because they thought it was a horrible sweater. Even my doggy Jazz had a fit, and he’s colorblind.

8:24pm

                My mom started lecturing me again about doing some studying. I didn’t want to listen so I laid on the floor and pretended I was a rug. It was a really effective strategy, if you ask me.