wednesday, october
26
8:54am
Gooooood morning, sunshines! Guess who
comes home in two days? I’ll give you a hint: he wears glasses and his name is Marc. And two days,
that’s no time at all! If you got hit by a truck and went into a coma but you
woke up after two days, some of your extended family wouldn’t even be at your
bedside yet! Because two days is not enough time for travelling to pay your
last respects to someone in a coma!
What
I am trying to say is that Marc will be here in just a few blinks of an eye.
8:59am
No offense to the coma patients
who can’t blink their eyes because they are in a coma.
9:05am
Oh goody, the German
exchange girls are here. Every year about ten girls come over from Germany, all
bundled up in their jackets and scarves, trying to learn the ways of the world
from us Amerikaners. Usually what happens though is they sit in the back of the
class, looking meek, and they say a few words in Deutsch once in a while.
9:15am
Hahaha, one German girl just
had her first bite of peanut-butter and jelly, and she hates it! That’s
hilarious.
9:17am
I know a couple German
phrases myself. We’ve had a German boy in our Environmental Science class all
year, and he’s taught us a few good sayings, like “Ich bin so geil jetzt“,
which means “I’m so horny right now”.
Additionally, I can say “rainbow”
(Reinderbogen) and “oxtail soup” (Ochsenschwanzsuppe).
two seconds later
I just had a revelation.
German is a joke language, isn’t
it?
later
12:45pm
In other news, I have begun
to put on my prettiness illusion for when Marc comes home. My beauty regimen is
quite rigorous—lots of face-scrubbing and nail-exfoliating. I’ve also been
leaving conditioner in my hair when I go to bed so I can have silky locks. And
don’t even get me started on the two tons of powder my face needs daily. I’m
trying to build up my sensitive skin’s tolerance to makeup so I can go all-out
when Marc comes home.
Needless
to say, it’s quite a lot of work to trick people into thinking you’re pretty.
12:52pm
Luckily for me, my face has
cooperated by giving me four ENOURMOUS zits on my chin. Thanks, body! That was
cool of you!
To
make matters worse, I’ve misplaced my Boing! Industrial Strength Concealer In
Beige. Right when I need an industry to hide my imperfections! What are the
chances, I ask you.
12:55pm
AND I HAVE A COLD! I’ve
suddenly got the sniffles like nobody’s business. I’ve been wiping my nose so
much that I’ve got little peely skins peeling away from my nostrils. Ad I soud
like dis.
1:01pm
Aww, Hendrick the German boy
from Environmental Science is super excited about the exchange girls. I think
they do things differently in Germany though because Hendrick is very honest
about his feelings. Case in point: “You know German girls are ugly, but I want
to meet them anyway.”
1:03pm
He’s also got this box of
Oreos that he won in a bet. Because he is German, he feels guilty about taking
the whole box. Oh, now he’s talking.
“I
had a bet with this girl, we bet one cookie and she gave me the whole pack… I
have to return them, it does not feel right. I know she wants me but I am not a
slut.”
Clearly
he is a morally upstanding citizen. Germany must be proud to have him.
1:07pm
Me and my American
classmates aren’t quite as honorable though. We convinced Hendrick to give us
the cookies.
later
3:35pm
Oh,
dear Shiva. This kid just came up to me in the hallway and said, “I’ve seen you
around and I just had to meet you. What’s your name?”
“I’b
Elaid.”
“Elaid?”
“Doh,
Elaid.”
“Wow,
nice to meet you, Elaid! I love your name, that’s so exotic.”
3:38pm
If Shiva the Destroyer
really cared about me, he’d destroy my mucus. Please, Shivvy? Please?
two seconds later
Mucus
is still here. I suspect that Shiva the Destroyer is a false god.
HAHAHAHAHA
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